the idle moments

Getting it out won't help. Still, in my life, there are more and more moments where I live instants of uselessness. Being replaceable isn't a bad thing, and I like that, yet I find myself wondering what I'm doing alive. Newly, my mind seeks someone for whom I will count. Newly, my mind doesn't journey to daydreaming to fill the gaps of uselessness. Often I feel myself dying, you know out of no where you just feel your body, your mater, your weight on this earth?
Life gives you what you ca take. Since I have more instants of boredom than anything else, I guess that I am very fragile, breakable...I can't wish for more action than.
Just, I wish I lived near woods. I could just go lie in the forest and wait for time to pass, until i could get up again and move...
The problem is I can't fend for myself. professionally I've got nothing and humans are possessive of their piece of earth. I get that, but i just want to travel, find a job that let's me eat and have a small place near the woods.