Sous mon vrai jour

I became a pumpkin and am not changing back to a princess anytime soon. I'm back at uni and so tired. I'm still working 3 days. I'm living at my real financial capacity and that means debts and starvation. I can't go out anymore. I'm too tired to put on my masks. My presence is too raw for my friends. Since they aren't close friends it's inappropriate. i,m starting to love my apartment. That's good.
I don't know what I'm doing in Design. The personalities and their motivations don't vibe with me. Nobody is saying that I don't belong, though. Still I want to do it. It will get me to wherever it has to get me.
I'm not allowed to complain, I'm not allowed to ask for a method of learning that is not autodidact even though I am fucking paying money I don't have to go to school because I am NOT autodidact...
This year I am learning to absorb punches and move on. J'encaisse c'est tout. ''C'est pas difficile, tout le monde l'a eu plaus dure que toi alors pourquoi tu chiales." That's what my friends and family are saying. Don't talk about your shit we don't want to hear it.
Well I guess I don't need to see you guys. I'm not angry, a bit disappointed in myself for having flimsy friends and being so weak.