I just talked to her and I feel that I did my job better than last time althought we still finished on a deep note and against some kind of hard wall. Well I obviously cannot solve a problem for Lorraine, especially if I'm feeding off her input, if she gives me none well we stall. But I still regret not being as good for her last time. We erre and we learn afterall, but I was jealous with the fact that she found closure with another friend because I had dissapointed her and not fulfilled my role. I am the only one to blame. Next time I know thought that I have to cheer her up not only analyse it. I have to tell her that yes you are allowed to mourn, but something that is also important is to remember the legacy of the person because they lived and cared about you striving to make you into a good person an independent person, all the sacrifices and choices and "atoût" they left you , the way they contributed into making you the person you are is their legacy and you have to respect that by remembering that. Most importantly the good times and the lessons they thought you. The time of the old is going away and they are making way for the young. It's natural. It's sad but natural. You also have to remember your family and friends who are there for you. You are not alone, let people help you with the burden.
I feel guilt for letting her down and I was sure that she had given up on me. I was surprised when I found that she gave me another chance and she called me. That is her way, Lorraine believes in you till the end...
"The Call of Ktulu " Metallica
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